good to hear that you are happy, especially since some of the things you mention, one could be unhappy about.

you say "I need to read more, not reading much is really making my writing suffer." I guess I think the same, but frame it the opposite way.... If I were more well read, so to speak, it would help my writing to be better. I want to write better, so my plan was to enter into a graduate level creative writing program, but be admitted I have to take undergraduate literature courses first. I saw this as basically jumping through hoops, but I'm realizing that what I learn from the reading I will have to do in all those literature courses will probably help my writing as much as what I will learn from the writing courses.

right now I'm about halfway through a Shakespeare course(having never read any Shakespeare in my life) and feel I have learned from that many things which I will surely apply to my own writing.

I'm curious what books are on your reading list I hope you read them all and more, but not so much that you don't do other summer things.

the thing with your Nan, I am drawn to comment on that but yet feel it is so totally none of my business.

...yet you post it in your blog...

this topic interests me in several different ways and from several different perspectives, but since it is a very personal matter, I feel that to attempt to discuss it in an impersonal manner, in a public place as this is, could be somehow disrespectful to you.

that's sort of the point though, isn't it? It's hard to have to hide, to live with people who think you are somehow not OK just for being what you are; To not to be able to talk about and share openly as just part of life, the sort of things you naturally share with people you live with and mutually care about. It's good you don't pretend.

I believe a person can have a moral objection to another person's lifestyle and still love them and support them in it.

I have a son who is 21. He does not live in my house, and I see him rarely, so this Is not a parallel really. He has chosen a few things in his lifestyle (not the same as yours) which are against my religion. I explain to him my reasons for thinking it is wrong, but I hear and respect his reasons for thinking it is right for him. who am I to really say I know better than he does? each person has to find his own way in life, and act on his own conscience. To condemn or reject a person for something they truly believe is right, even if it is wrong and harmful, is equally wrong and harmful: it will not help them see the error of their ways, and will put a distance in the relationship which makes both parties less able to share and learn from one another and less likely to come to a common truth.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I hope she comes to realize that refusing to support you in your efforts to live how you believe is right for you is not going to help you "see the error of your ways", it's just going to strain the relationship between you and her. I think it's possible to support someone personally without condoning their morality.

but on the other hand, if he were living in my house...(or you were living in my house) I wonder how well I would be able to live up to that Ideal, in actual practice.

hope I have not offended you or made myself appear as an enemy in any way by what I have said here.

--
-------Jadis///...
"with God all things are possible"

Oh yeah, lets JAM!

I like the phrase 'lans that involves getting new strings and acoustics'

Stupid smilie

haha, me too

It is possible to live with someone with different views. I mean it shouldnt matter to her who i go out with or who I'm attracted to. I mean its not as if it's a choice. It would be ideal if she could look past her own pretences and prejudices to support me, but i cant see that happening anytime soon. I don't think she realises that people are born gay and it's just as natural as being straight, it's always has occurred and always will. It shouldn't be a big deal.

this is a can of worms I perhaps shouldn't go into, but I'm taking that risk, because maybe I can help you understand where she is coming from, so you can help her understand...or...maybe you will hate me for seeing it differently than you do
If any of this offends you I apologize(I know--- I do too much both of offending and apologizing)

you say "I don't think she realises that people are born gay and it's just as natural as being straight, it's always has occurred and always will. It shouldn't be a big deal."

you say this as if your way of understanding it is the absolute, unquestionable truth. you probably feel your way of understanding it is the absolute unquestionable truth. I'm sorely tempted to explain my way of understanding it, but this is definitely not the place for that and probably not the time, as my opinion has no bearing in your life.

I feel my opinion is the absolute truth, she feels hers is, you feel yours is. We all three have different views of what homosexuality is and where it comes from and what is wrong or right about it, what should be done about it. We all have reasons, experiences evidences and authorities to back up our opinions. YOU in a sense are in the best position to understand because you have more first hand experience with this ( presumably, I don't know how much experience you have...I've had a few Gay friends and a few(how should I say it) minor personal experiences)

very probably she is hoping you just realizewhat you are doing is a terrible sin something obviously wrong and unnatural, or socially destructive, or tearing the family apart, or medically risky, or some such. She probably can't comprehend how you can imagine it to be anything other wise.

she can't just realize that you are just right any more than you can just realize she is right and you are wrong. If you want to live together peacefully and not offend eachother you will have to both come to understand where the other person is coming from, and see their position as valid, even if you still see it as wrong.

respect is earned through respect. if you want HER to realize that your opinion is no more wrong than her opinion, YOU have to realize HER opinion is also no more wrong than your opinion. And as unfair as it may seem, in this case, YOU have to be the one to go first. if you want to get together you have to meet in the middle, not demand she come to where you are.

**** **********

apart from that, though, seriously...I would love to discuss with you your beliefs and understandings about this, both because I would find your understanding interesting and it might help me treat other Gay people more respectfully, (pretty much all the gay people I have ever known were great people, and I'd like to be able to be more understanding of their situation) maybe some of my views on it might be useful to you also in your efforts to be accepted by others who don't see it as you do. I'm not sure a comment on your DA journal is the best place for such a discussion though.

--
-------Jadis///...
"with God all things are possible"

Ok, i realise that there it may never get to the point where she is completely fine with me being gay, but i think that she should realise that she can wish what ever she likes, but i am still gay. That's it. She herself may not understand it, but she could atleast look at it from my point of view. The choice isnt between being gay or straight, the choice is to be open about it or not. Not being open about these things creates a facade and is fake and will never lead to happiness, you need to be true to yourself aswell as to everyone else.

I know that her opinion doesnt match my own, i just want her to understand my side of the story and try to be less on guard by it. Her opinion isnt based around a religion (which i could understand more so), just her personal dislikes for gay people. I mean i have a boyfriend now and i dont want to be hiding this from her, or making my boyfriend feel uncomfortable by it. I mean all i want is a normal life. I dont like secrets, makes it feel sordid and it really isnt.

Anyways, out of interest, what is your opinion on gay people?

I agree whole heartedly about honesty. You are Gay and you believe there's nothing wrong with it. You should do what you believe is right, openly with no shame whatsoever. Hiding it is dishonest. it says you believe what you are doing is wrong. We should refrain from doing things we can't do honestly. In saying this, I am not condoning your actions specifically, I (In my belief) know there are good reasons NOT to choose the path you choose, but given YOUR understanding, I applaud your choice.(Is that completely confusing? )

you say her opinion reflects "just her personal dislikes for gay people"

then you ask me "what is your opinion on gay people?"

In general, I like Gay people; of the openly Gay people I have known a higher percent of them have been wonderful people than openly heterosexual people. I don't decide whether I like a person based on their sins or misunderstandings. HOWEVER, note that I said "openly Gay", and take it in the context of honesty: anyone who has the guts to be honest and open and self-respecting while choosing to live in a way which 'til recently would earn you extreme disrespect from the majority...and probably also your family... I have great respect for that integrity.

HOWEVER, I don't overall condone homosexuality.

here's a very brief and incomplete summary of my beliefs regarding the morality of homosexuality:

I don't believe people are born gay. "Same Gender Attraction" is not unnatural per se, ALL people are born with a natural capacity for attraction to males and to females. Humans are naturally heterosexual, but to fully enjoy sex, one must be able to enjoy ones own sex, hence, appreciate the natural sexiness of one's own sex. Some people have less hetrosexual attraction, some have more homosexual attraction, it's a range, not a dichotomy, but culture turns it into a dichotomy.

I believe sex is sacred, it's purpose is the creating of families, both through sexual reproduction and through the bonding together of husband of husband and wife. It is something natural, very basic to human life, very powerful, very good, very important, very sacred, which should be done and enjoyed but should never be abused.

any sex outside of a legal and lasting marriage is an abuse of sex. marriage can only be between a man and a woman, therefore homosexual sex is always an abuse of sex.

you may argue, "the law some places defines same-sex unions as marriage"; that doesn't make it so. Real marriage is not possible between same sex couples.(I skip here the long explaination of marriage as I understand it)

so, being attracted to men does not make you a sinner, or unnatural. I think women are just as sexy as men and that doesn't make me a sinner either. Having sex with someone you are not married to (male or female) is a sin.

(by "sin" I mean something that God advises us not to do because in the end it will inevitably be harmful and hurtful to ourselves or others)

it's none of my business whether you are having sex with anyone, and I don't want to know.

the purpose of dating is marriage, to date someone you cannot marry is foolish, can lead to nothing other than sin (sex without marriage) or frustration. I dated several gay people when I was young, btw, both male and female...I had a different understanding about it then. I have also had quite a few friends and family members who were deeply involved in homosexual relationships.

I was pretty stupid back then, and thus didn't really gain a good understanding of it. I wish I had a better understanding now, of how it is from the perspective of someone who fully lives it, not just flirts with it cluelessly as I did.I recent years, I haven't really been very close to anyone involved in that sort of lifestyle. I have a few gay friends, but none close enough that we talk about it.

you state that you are born gay, and have no choice in it. on what grounds do you believe this? what does "gay" mean, really , anyhow? just a man who is attracted to men and not attracted to women? or who has homosexual sex? or is it more than those things, does it include the whole culture which surround that? (the "gay people" thing your grandma objects to)

to me you are not a "gay person" you are YOU...an intelligent interesting friendly creative person, whom I like and respect as a DA friend, .....who also happens to be a writer, a university student, young, male, a friend of Oliver's, Gay, British, etc....those superficial characteristics make you might more interesting, but don't define who you are, don't have much baring on why I like you.

--
-------Jadis///...
"with God all things are possible"